Birthday?

Um, so I turned 15 today.
O_O
It's so weird
I've been saying for ages that I'm so done with being 14, but now that I'm actually 15 I'm like "......O_O.....WEIRD..." Oh well, I'll get used to it soon. First I'll have to do the 30 second panic whenever anyone asks me how old I am though.
"So how old are you?"
"....o_O.....um.... OH 15... I mean..heh.. I'm 15."
Gosh, thats always so embarrassing. I did that on a plane, when the stewardess asked me my age. I took like such a long time to answer.

Now its time to get all deep and thoughtful.

This past year has been amazing in so many ways. And its sucked in so many ways too. Dad getting cancer again, the huge mess between my sisters, losing friends, the fall, etc etc. But the good times totally outlived the bad times. Summer, Camp, Christmas, hanging out with Emily, gaining two best friends, learning that you can be best friends with your sister, The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, California, Skillet Concert, some boys, and of course convention.

I've learned a crap load of things about life, friendship, and people in general. I've loved someone I think, and had my heart crushed... well,... actually as much as it can get crushed when your only fourteen. I've learned that you cannot control what happens around you. You cannot control the feelings of someone else. Its just not possible. I've learned how to tell your true friends from the friends that only kind of care. I've learned that the best thing you can do for your friends is to just be there for them, even if they aren't there for you. I've learned that you have to take the bad things with the good. I've learned that girls are bitches and guys suck.

I've learned so much about guys this year and yet they are still a complete mystery to me.
I've been so happy for most of this year, so busy, and although its not really obvious I think I've matured a ton since I turned fourteen. I also think I'm more comfortable with showing my crazy side, and yeah it still gets me into trouble allll the time, but not as much, I know how to turn it off. Kind of.

I lost one of my best friends this year. And it sucked. Elizabeth and I had been friends since we were like... 6 and then she was gone and I find that as much as it sucks, I don't care all that much. I'm done with taking all her crap and I have better friends now. I also half lost the one person I could tell absolutely everything too, that wasn't Anna. And that way hurt more then losing Elizabeth and I haven't even completely lost him.

And then I rediscovered friends. India, Katie, Jessie and Laura I have no freaking clue what I would do without you. You girls have made this spring and winter so much better then it ever would have been without you. Jeeze I just can't imagine what I would be like if you four hadn't come completely into my life when you did. I don't know if I would have gotten through the fall, and although that sounds way dramatic and whatnot, its totally true. You are way more then I deserve and I'm so so so happy we're friends.

And to all my friends who stuck by me the entire year. You are more amazing then words can every say. I thank God so much for you every day.

So this year in ways have been the best of my life and the worst. I can't begin to say how much I'm looking forward to this next year and how utterly awesome its going to be.

I would like to dedicate this song to every one of my friends and I want to say THANK YOU I LOVE YOU AND YOUR AMAZING!!!!!

Those Nights - Skillet

I remember when we used to laugh about nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all
Remember when we'd

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

I remember when we used to drive anywhere but here
As long as we'd forget our lives
We were so young and confused
That we didn't know to laugh or cry
Those nights were ours
They will live and never die
Together we'd stand forever
Remember when we'd

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong with us
Those nights belong to us

I remember when we used to laugh
And now i wish those nights would last

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong

And although we aren't going anywhere and nothings has ended, its like the perfect song for friendship.

Now a little word about convention.

IT ROCKED!!!!! I had so much fun, and got to witness and be part of a crap load of drama. I went to my first dance and danced my first slow dance... with I guy I didn't know but he was cool never the less. I experienced what its like to live a very busy full day on one hour of sleep, I met some really cool people, ate some good food, learned a lot, went to a dating workshop which wasn't as awkward and bad as I thought it was going to be and had an AMAZING time hanging out with Anna, Jessie, Abby, Sean, Erin, and Elyse.

Yes I met Sean the lover boy who is totally awesome, and amazing a lives up to every single thing Jessie has said about him and who thinks I'm cute but doesn't like me (YES YES YES!!!! the him not liking me made me very happy) and who most of the weekend drama revolved around. I can totally understand why Jessie is utterly in love with him. Hanging out with Abby for the first time in forever was totally cool too. And running up and down 6 flights of stairs at least three times a day was kinda awesome. I loved the hour and a half nap I took right when I got home!!!

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

DID ANYONE ELSE START HYPERVENTILATING?!?!?!?!?!?!

SKILLET!!!!!

OMG!
The Skillet concert was........ beyond words. AMAZING!!! FABULOUS!!!!! INCREDIBLE!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!

Yeah. I had... ahhh fun is such an understatement. It was one of the most incredible nights of my life!!! I'd never been to a concert like that before; everyone jumping and screaming all the time. Wow. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get into the music at all, but as soon as I heard the first power cord, and felt the vibrations hit my chest I completely let go, and it was awesome.

The first two bands were o.k... nothing special, just loud and I actually went deaf after the second one finished playing. I mean seriously, Jake was standing right next to me and even though the music had stopped and we were in a fairly quiet spot he STILL had to shout at me. And I at him, so it wasn't just me.

The crowds energy went up like ten times as soon as Skillet came out on stage and it was AMAZING!!! The lead singer... who I still don't know his name... said we were one of the loudest audiences ever. There were only like... 500 of us too, and we all just screamed out hearts out. We were a GREAT audience =D The actual music was just.... Wow!!! They played Comatose first which made everyone so happy. But then they played Whispers in the Dark and people went CRAZY!!! That, the worship song they did, and Rebirthing was by far the most amazing part of the night.

They started playing Rebirthing, and if I thought people were already crazy in there, I was WRONG!!!! Everyone went INSANE!!!! I was on India's back at that point and could see everything and wow, the crowd was incredible. Hearing Rebirthing live was sooooo fabulous. And it made me so so SO happy!!! I was screaming out the words and when I wasn't screaming the words, I was just screaming! Everyone was. I'm sure they could hear us in Kennebunk!

The weirdest part of the night was seeing the band live in front of me. After watching all the music video's and seeing all the pictures, and then they were like BAM! right in front of me! The lead singer had such a good stage presence. He was funny, kept the audience involved, talked to us lots, and was just really good. He has two little kids that are cuter then your kids will ever be.
His words not mine.

And then of course, aside from the actual concert, I had a lot of fun hanging out with Jake, India, Anna and Katie!!! Those girls (Jakes not a girl but whatever) are amazing =D and Jake was nice and sweet as always. He hung out with us most of the night which I thought was really nice since there were tons of his other friends there as well. Riding in the car was fun too. I got really hyper and a lot of nasty secrets of mine that I don't usually let people know got let out. Mostly by Anna but I didn't really stop her....

Today, I am exhausted. Try jumping up and down screaming for three hours and see how you feel.

Sore.

yeah.

Oh well it was totally worth it!!!


Rebirthing - Skillet

I lie here paralytic
Inside this soul
Screaming for you till my throat is numb
I wanna break out I need a way out
I don’t believe that it’s gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I’m suffocating

Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen
I take you in
I’ve died

Rebirthing now
I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now
I Wanna live my life wanna give you everything
Breathe for the first time now
I come alive somehow

I lie here lifeless
In this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause
I’m ready to
I wanna break out
I found a way out
I don’t believe that it’s gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting
In this womb I’m suffocating

Bridge:
Tell me when I’m gonna live again
Tell me when I’m gonna breathe you in
Tell me when I’m gonna feel inside
Tell me when I’m gonna feel alive

Tell me when I’m gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I’m gonna feel inside
Tell me when I’ll feel alive

I Adore Skillet and always will.

To you who think Skillet is a dumb name.
1. Buy the album anyways
2. Shut up.

SPRING!!!!

ITS 60 DEGREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG that makes me so so incredibly happy!!

Haha I told Grant the other day that we were so excited it had gotten up to 55, and he said he sincerely hoped I was joking. Oh well, so what if Maine is slower then everywhere else, we get to appreciate this weather a little more then everyone else.

A Scene from the Future Nerd Fighter Taken Over World

Curtains open to an empty stage. The set is designed to look like the front of a house with steps leading up to the door. A lamp light is set at Stage Left.
Enter a teen age boy about age 15 followed by a girl. Both look nervous yet excited. They walk to the steps and pause at the bottom.

BOY: So uh, Cindy, I had a great time tonight!

CINDY smiles nervously

CINDY: So did I. Thanks for showing me all the tricks to Final Fantasy X11. Your a really great player.

BOY blushes and is flatter.

BOY: Gee thanks Cindy.

CINDY smiles again and goes up the stars. She is stopped when BOY says after obviously gathering his courage:

BOY: Cindy! Wait!

He pauses struggling to get the words out and finally blurts out.

BOY: I just wanted to say that I think your a really awesome Nerd!

Cindy gasps and looks amazed and happy.

CINDY: WOW Thanks! I... I think your a awesome nerd too!

BOY grins one last time and runs of stage leaving an ecstatic CINDY in the fading light as curtains close.

If you don't have a clue what that was all about, then you probably never will. I think I may suck at writing scripts though!

I went on a new music spree yesterday, and got some new stuff for my player. Does anyone have some suggestions because I'm getting really tired of what I have on there. I got some new Simple Plan music which I'm happy about and some Chris Brown songs which I've wanted for a long time. And lots more. But I still need more.

The poster is coming along quite well. I keep streaking the marker places which sets me off into spasms until I can get it fixed, and its really really annoying. I have a ton of work to do on it the next couple days if I want to mail it in time.

Its kind of freaking me out how much work I have to do still.

I suck at school. Just FYI.

I hung out with Jeremy at the library yesterday. Just the two of us, and it was kind of fun. We're getting more comfortable but theres still a lot lacking. I'm just going to continue to wait for now and see what happens.


"White Houses" - Vanessa Carlton

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's 'til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
Summer's all in bloom
Summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lied, wrote my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses

O.k...

The date could have gone a lot worse.
And it could have gone a lot better too.

I do want to repeat my question from before.

WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER AN AWKWARD DATE???

Haha oh well. I was pretty nervous, and Jeremy was really nervous, so he didn't talk a whole lot, and the conversation never really flowed. Except for once right at the end of intermission. I was so annoyed when the pit band came back on stage.

But I know how Jeremy is really like, and he's really funny and nice, and totally not like how he acting last night. So I'm not giving up yet.

On a side note the play (Once upon a mattress) WAS SO GOOD!!! FABULOUSAY!! The high school's drama program is A MAY ZING!!! it blows my mind every time I go see something there. Will (from book covers) played the mute king who liked to chase girls around the castle was a totally CREEP!! but adorable and funny at the same time. And the lead girl, Abby, was sooo incredible!! I've seen her in other shows, Fiddler, Rumors and she was alright in Fiddler, and pretty good in Rumors but in this, she was FABULOUS!! Some of the stuff she had to sing was sooooo hard, and she did it soo well. Kudos to her!!

Anyway I gotta start school and get ready for the rest of the day/weekend, because I haven't done ANYTHING today and its already 10:15. AHHHHHHH

Love to all!!



"First Time"

We're both looking for something
We've been afraid to find
It's easier to be broken
It's easier to hide

Looking at you,holding my breath,
For once in my life,I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,letting you inside.

Feeling alive all over again,
As deep as the sky, under my skin
Like being in love, she says
For the first time
Maybe I'm wrong,
But I'm feeling right where I belong
With you tonight
Like being in love
To feel for the first time

The world that I see inside you
Waiting to come to life
Waking me up to dreaming
Reality in your eyes

Looking at you,
Holding my breath,
For once in my life
I'm scared to death,
I'm taking a chance,
Letting you inside.

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

We're crashing
Into the unknown
We're lost in this
But it feels like home

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky that's under my skin
Like being in love, she says, for the first time
Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

Oh Lifehouse, Lifehouse Lifehouse. I LOVE YOU!!!!

What think you?

This is the small scale, rough draft, version of the poster I'm working on.... What think you all? Could anything be added? Or is it fine just as it is?

Umm?

Well.
Um.
So I kinda have a date tomorrow.
Course I can't call it that because of Mom and Dad, and theres going to be a bunch of other people there, but thats what He originally wanted it to be.

I'm really kind of excited. And totally freaked out.

OMG what if its awkward? What do you do after an awkward date?

=\

AHHHHH

For those of you who don't know, Jeremy from the library book group asked me to go with him to the high school musical and I said yes, as long as other friends came because I'm not allowed to date. So yeah, its made me really happy =)

BUT I WON'T GIVE UP MY WIFE!!!

Hmmm in my last post I was mad at Grant right? well... gah he has me on such an emotional yoyo. Anyway, we had a really good talk yesterday and he said things like how he was really glad we were friends, and how I'm always there for him.... so I don't think we're going to stop being friends anytime soon. Hopefully.

Oh and the Variety show is going good. I should invite ya'll to it shouldn't I? =)

<333