Birthday?

Um, so I turned 15 today.
O_O
It's so weird
I've been saying for ages that I'm so done with being 14, but now that I'm actually 15 I'm like "......O_O.....WEIRD..." Oh well, I'll get used to it soon. First I'll have to do the 30 second panic whenever anyone asks me how old I am though.
"So how old are you?"
"....o_O.....um.... OH 15... I mean..heh.. I'm 15."
Gosh, thats always so embarrassing. I did that on a plane, when the stewardess asked me my age. I took like such a long time to answer.

Now its time to get all deep and thoughtful.

This past year has been amazing in so many ways. And its sucked in so many ways too. Dad getting cancer again, the huge mess between my sisters, losing friends, the fall, etc etc. But the good times totally outlived the bad times. Summer, Camp, Christmas, hanging out with Emily, gaining two best friends, learning that you can be best friends with your sister, The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe, California, Skillet Concert, some boys, and of course convention.

I've learned a crap load of things about life, friendship, and people in general. I've loved someone I think, and had my heart crushed... well,... actually as much as it can get crushed when your only fourteen. I've learned that you cannot control what happens around you. You cannot control the feelings of someone else. Its just not possible. I've learned how to tell your true friends from the friends that only kind of care. I've learned that the best thing you can do for your friends is to just be there for them, even if they aren't there for you. I've learned that you have to take the bad things with the good. I've learned that girls are bitches and guys suck.

I've learned so much about guys this year and yet they are still a complete mystery to me.
I've been so happy for most of this year, so busy, and although its not really obvious I think I've matured a ton since I turned fourteen. I also think I'm more comfortable with showing my crazy side, and yeah it still gets me into trouble allll the time, but not as much, I know how to turn it off. Kind of.

I lost one of my best friends this year. And it sucked. Elizabeth and I had been friends since we were like... 6 and then she was gone and I find that as much as it sucks, I don't care all that much. I'm done with taking all her crap and I have better friends now. I also half lost the one person I could tell absolutely everything too, that wasn't Anna. And that way hurt more then losing Elizabeth and I haven't even completely lost him.

And then I rediscovered friends. India, Katie, Jessie and Laura I have no freaking clue what I would do without you. You girls have made this spring and winter so much better then it ever would have been without you. Jeeze I just can't imagine what I would be like if you four hadn't come completely into my life when you did. I don't know if I would have gotten through the fall, and although that sounds way dramatic and whatnot, its totally true. You are way more then I deserve and I'm so so so happy we're friends.

And to all my friends who stuck by me the entire year. You are more amazing then words can every say. I thank God so much for you every day.

So this year in ways have been the best of my life and the worst. I can't begin to say how much I'm looking forward to this next year and how utterly awesome its going to be.

I would like to dedicate this song to every one of my friends and I want to say THANK YOU I LOVE YOU AND YOUR AMAZING!!!!!

Those Nights - Skillet

I remember when we used to laugh about nothing at all
It was better than going mad
From trying to solve all the problems we're going through
Forget 'em all
Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall
Together we faced it all
Remember when we'd

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

I remember when we used to drive anywhere but here
As long as we'd forget our lives
We were so young and confused
That we didn't know to laugh or cry
Those nights were ours
They will live and never die
Together we'd stand forever
Remember when we'd

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong with us
Those nights belong to us

I remember when we used to laugh
And now i wish those nights would last

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive
Those nights belong to us
There's nothing wrong

And although we aren't going anywhere and nothings has ended, its like the perfect song for friendship.

Now a little word about convention.

IT ROCKED!!!!! I had so much fun, and got to witness and be part of a crap load of drama. I went to my first dance and danced my first slow dance... with I guy I didn't know but he was cool never the less. I experienced what its like to live a very busy full day on one hour of sleep, I met some really cool people, ate some good food, learned a lot, went to a dating workshop which wasn't as awkward and bad as I thought it was going to be and had an AMAZING time hanging out with Anna, Jessie, Abby, Sean, Erin, and Elyse.

Yes I met Sean the lover boy who is totally awesome, and amazing a lives up to every single thing Jessie has said about him and who thinks I'm cute but doesn't like me (YES YES YES!!!! the him not liking me made me very happy) and who most of the weekend drama revolved around. I can totally understand why Jessie is utterly in love with him. Hanging out with Abby for the first time in forever was totally cool too. And running up and down 6 flights of stairs at least three times a day was kinda awesome. I loved the hour and a half nap I took right when I got home!!!

Stay up late and we'd talk all night
In the dark room lit by the TV light
Through all the hard times in my life
Those nights kept me alive
We'd listen to the radio play all night
Didn't want to go home to another fight
Through all the hard times in my life
Those night kept me alive